Question, have any of you ever been to one of those "self improvement seminars" or bought one of the numerous self help books with a plan on improving your finances, health or relationships etc?  I bet if we were all in a room right now I would see a sea of hands in the air!

You know the ones I am talking about. You get all excited and fired up and are so totally motivated to change your life - I mean the presenter or author sounds so convincing. It looks so easy, so right, and if they did it so can you. For some of you, the seminar or book has hit the nail on the head. It has given you focus, and you are happily achieving whatever it is you want with great success. But what if you are one of the 99.9% of us who go home or close the book and start to implement the plan (that's if you get that far) then follow it for a few weeks before life seems to take over, you lose steam and that's the end of it.

Why is that? Why does it work for some and not for others? Well it has nothing to do with you personally. It has more to do with my previous statement that "life seems to take over and you lose steam". This is because when we set goals, we tend to aim for unrealistic ideals that have been picked up along our life path. These goals seem like a good idea, but are they what you really want or really need? What we haven't done is taken the time to discover what our true values are and then aligning our short and long term goals with them.

When talking about values, I am not talking about your Moral or Ethical Values as such, e.g. "thou shalt not kill", "be kind to small animals and children" or perhaps "I shall not put my elbows on the table when eating".  What I am talking about are your personal values as demonstrated by the way you are living your life. Unless we understand and pay close attention to what I call our "Hidden Agenda", we just go about our lives drifting along with an "unconscious" driver steering the car.

So what are personal values? These are the "Life Goals" we aspire to and are supported by our belief system. They have a hierarchy and are identified by the choices we make and how we live our lives. 

For example, a business man may write on his personal value list that family is his number one priority. Upon further examination, he admits that he works 12 hour days, brings work home on the weekend and is either locked away in his study or away on frequent business trips. So, does this look like someone who has "Family" as a top priority?

Now you could argue that he works hard to support his family and provide all the comforts that they could otherwise not afford, and that's admirable. In reality, if "Family" was his top priority he would spend more of his time with his family and less time providing for their needs.  So what is really going on here is that he has a personal value of "good provider" - a value which he is successfully fulfilling.

There is no judging here - it is what it is. Unfortunately, it is because of internal and external judgements that we avoid being truly honest with ourselves and continue to beat ourselves up for failing to achieve what we "should" in life. There is great comfort in writing down those "feel good" words such as Love, Peace, Happiness, Family, Wealth, Security, and Success etc. It helps us feel, just for a minute, that we are living up to the ideals that our parents, peers and societal culture have stuck on pedestals when we were growing up.

But hey, just this once, just this moment, wouldn't it be wonderful to give yourself permission to be totally honest with yourself. To clarify what is most important in your life, making no judgement or self recrimination and clearly state what your personal values are and understand how you demonstrate them in your everyday life?

Ok, you are now probably thinking to yourself, "How is this going to change my life - why is this approach going to be more successful than the others I've tried"? The real difference is that the goals you set as a result of this self-examination will reflect your true values - things that resonate with you and your life at a deep level. Life doesn't get in the way when the goals you set reflect your own truth - the beliefs and values that define you. By examining and understanding your "Hidden Agenda" and making it work for you, you can take control of your life.

If this sounds confronting, you're right, it can be. If you truly believe that what you are already doing is working for you, you can continue the way you are going, but if you want to know what drives you, how you communicate and express love, why you behave the way you behave and where you are headed, then my advice would be to take the time and shine a light on your personal values so you can steer yourself purposely in the direction you want to go.

Put another way, I would like you to picture yourself as a car - the type of car is not really important although it might make for an interesting analysis on your personality. Now think about where you want the car to go. Is it towards family, more money or perhaps a better relationship, career or a healthier lifestyle? You are probably wondering where I am going with all this?  Suffice to say, life is a highway and we are all on it. In simple terms, you are the vehicle, your values are the destinations, your beliefs are the drivers and your thoughts the fuel.

So grab that seatbelt and buckle up, because we are in for the ride of our lives.....